Annoying Assassins Is Fun
by XxHeatherXD
Summary: I believe I found my destiny... it's to  annoy Malik and Altair! Well what else am I going to do when I go into the most epic game ever? Join the templars? HELL NO!
1. Chapter 1

Annoying Assassins Are Fun

Chapter One – Enter The Game!

It's a Friday night sitting on my bed eating popcorn and pocky, I can't believe I'm home doing nothing but watching Jerry Springer and Opera. Even thought those shows are like awesome! I shove a handful of popcorn into my mouth "You go girl! Yeah tell him you want child support!" I mumble because of the popcorn. Jerry tells the lady that it is his child, I do a woo sound but I end up chocking on the popcorn. My face becomes red I look around for a drink, I quickly grab the nearest liquid but I end up coughing it up because it tastes strange. I stick my tongue out "Ma! Why does the water taste funny!" I yell through my door. She doesn't respond, I pout "Ma! I'm your daughter you have to love me and listen to my commands!" My mother opens the door quickly and leans in "What the hell do you want!" she screams at me. I smile looking all-innocent "The water tastes funny!" I tell her. She groans loudly "That's because you've been in your room, playing the stupid game!" she says pointing to the holy game. I gasp and I hold the game close to my chest "It's not stupid! Assassins Creed is the best game ever!" she wiggles her finger at me "What ever happened to that game, the people have crazy hair Oh Kingdom Hearts!" I stand up and I look out the window "Don't mention that game it brings back memories" I say squinting. My crazy mother yells, "Jesus Heather, your 17 you should be out!" I point a finger at her "You love me! Don't lie!" she slams the door shut a bang.

I look both ways before giggling, I sit on the floor and I put in the game. I get into a comfy position and I begin playing as Altair. About an hour into the game, I am an inch away from the screen "Damn, Jump Altair! Shit, run bitch run! Yeah take that you dick!" I scream. This is pretty much how I play the game, almost every night; my dog begins to nom on one of his toys I turn my head slowly and I glare at him. I grab the toy and I throw it out my window "Shut the fuck up!" I yell at him. My mom screams from the kitchen "Don't fucking cuss!" I throw my hands in the air "But you just did!" she pauses "I'm an adult!" I blink you know what I will let it slid this time. I feel my eyes betrayed me, my head begins to bob up and down. I open my eyes one last time before I drift to sleep, God damn it I wanted to see Altair fail at performing a leap of faith before I fall to sleep to late. I open my eyes to a see a bird looking at me strangely, I look back at it "Yo why you in my house?" it pokes my forehead making me yelp. I wave my hands in its face making it fly away. I rub my eyes, where am I this is so not my apartment, I stand up and I put on my headphones and I begin to walk around.

This is strange why do I feel like I'm not in America or even in the same year. I make a right to see a bunch of people with pots over their heads. Okay this is even getting even stranger, why are the men wearing dresses? I walk into the crowed; I can hear them whisper to each other "What is she wearing! Is she crazy? That young girl is weird" I smile to myself hell yeah I'm that awesome. I bump into a man by accident "Sorry dude" I can't hear what he is saying but from the look on his face he's screaming. I take off my headphones to hear him yell "Help me, she is hurting me!" what his deal? I wave my hands in his face "Dude chill out" He continues to yell "Oh someone help me!" I squint at him, that's it how will he like it if someone's screaming in his face. I yell too, people are looking at us strangely because well we are yelling like a bunch of crazy people. He stops yelling, and I stare at him "Dude seriously what was that!" he continues to stare "Why were you screaming at me?" his face looks sad like he's about to cry. My face is blank, I try to pat his shoulder he hits it away "Don't touch me!" with that he runs away like a little girl.

Then behind me I hear someone yell, "Stop you! We will have your head!" I groan oh God I don't like the sound of that. I start to run, pushing my way though the crowed "Excuse me, move your ass, nice beard dude, Oh my god move your fat body to the left thank you!" I tell the slow people in the streets. I climb up a stall were a person yells at me "Eh what are you doing! Your feet crushed my food" I chuckle "Sorry dude but I'm in a rush" I run along the roofs, I hear them gaining up on me then I see a man in white robes I glomp the man "It's Jesus, help me! I beg you!" I cling to the person for dear life as they try to wiggle me off "What! Get off me peasant!" I hear his hidden blade pop out, I crawl onto his back like a cat "Help me!" I beg at him. I see the man's face oh shit it's Altair, the crazy blood thirst killer, doesn't listen to rules because he is so badass Altair. I fall of his back and he pins me to the wall with his hidden blade at my throat "What is your problem?" he growls at me pushing more force into my neck. I claw at his hands "Gah, let go Altair" his eyes go wide "How the hell do you know my name!" he yell at me. I give him the If you let go of me I will tell you look, he lets go put keeps a firm lock on my shirt. I gasp for air "That isn't how you treat ladies" I say pointing a finger at him. Altair gives me the death glare "Well ladies I know don't dress like that, now tell me how you know my name now!" I take a deep breath "Altair…" I take a long pause "I am your father" I give him the dramatic chipmunk stare.

I shouldn't have said that because the hidden blade comes right back at my neck "Don't foul around child!" he hisses at me. I pout at him "I'm not a kid! I am 17!" he looks at me strangely "What are you?" he asks disgusted. I smile and I point to myself "I'm Heather! Light as a father, I can tell you the Weather" he scans me up and down "You are not as light as a father" my smiles turns into a frown "You're an asshole! As anyone ever told you that?" he chuckles, Oh sweet mother of KFC he laughs oh I feel pretty awesome right now since I made him chuckle "No because anyone who says that will die a painful death" and the awesomeness feeling fades away into darkness. He steps towards me with his hidden blade ready, I hold up my hands "Wait wait! Dude back the fuck up!" he looks at me strangely "What? Is this dude in which you called me?" um I better think up something "Oh it means, uh it's a good thing, please don't kill me!" I cling to his leg. He growls, "Get off!" I shake my head clinging even more "Say you won't kill me!" he groans, "I won't kill you" I look up at him with my big blue puppy eyes "I don't believe you, say I promise I won't kill you Heather because you are awesome and that your are the unicorn queen" he looks at me like what the fuck are you on woman! Then the guards see us "Stop assassins!" he pulls me onto his back and he jumps to roof-to-roof getting away from the guards. I cling close to him and I sing, "I believe I can fly! I believe I can ride an Altair! I-" he cuts me off by making a sharp right turn almost making me fall off his back. I fix myself "Oh Altair how I be-" he cuts me off again by making a sharp left. I growl at him "Do you mind I am singing a song!" he shrugs "Your singing is not very good" he says frankly. I roll my eyes "Duh of course not, I can sing you know" I say proudly.

Altair looks back "Yeah sure you can" he says without any emotion what so ever, I glare at him "If only you had the side bang, then I could call you emo" he ignores my comment, we reach a place with the Assassin symbol on it. I giggle "This is the assassin's bureau that only means Malik is here!" I do a little dance. Altair looks at me surprised "How the hell do you know that!" I think for a moment "I know things Altair .Things" I give him a look to make him back up a little bit "Your strange for a lady" he says to me. I make a huffing sound "Who said I was a girl" his head snaps foreword "What! You're a guy!" I giggle, "Nah I'm just pulling your cut off finger Altair" I pat him on the back before jumping down landing on the pillows roughly. I groan when Altair lands on top of me making it hard to breath "You fat ass!" I yell at him. Then a man walks out from the room.


	2. Chapter 2

Annoying Assassins Are Fun

Chapter Two – Malik Is Funny When I Ask Him Stuff

I look up too see a man with a missing arm, short black hair, I know who it is. I jump up pushing Altair off me. I smile and I begin to wave at him "Hey Malik!" I continue to wave like a person on drugs. He looks at me like I'm like an alien "Altair why did you bring a retarded girl here?" he says pointing at me. I stop waving and I put my hand on my hip "I am not retarded thank you very much!" Altair stands up "Yeah she's not retarded" I smile at him "Thank you see he's nice!" Altair continues; "She's the spawn of Satin" my jaw drops. They are so mean, Oh I know something I can do to for payback. Malik scans me "What are you wearing? Are you a templar!" he points his sword at my neck. I hold up my hands "What is it with you two with sharp objects to the throat, and I am not a templar! I'm with you guys!" I say holding up my thumbs. Malik glares at me "How do we know your not lying?" I take out my cell phone "See I'm from the future!" Altair steps forward and snatches it from my hand "What the hell is this?" he says sniffing the phone. Malik looks at it as well "It looks like a weapon of some sort, open it Altair" oh God "Hey give it back don't open it!" I run forward to grab it but Malik holds me back by his hand on my head. Altair nods and opens it, his eyes go wide and he shows it to Malik who's eyes also go extremely wide "Why are us on your phone kissing!" he snaps at me. I laugh, "Oh like you two never thought about it!" then Altair throws my phone on the ground and stomps on it. I groan "Aw man that was my phone dude!" Altair glares at me "I want answers now!" he says growling.

I look around "Can I sit, it's a long story" they both growl, "Fine jeez, um let's see. You both are part of the creed, Altair is now a novice because he didn't listen to you Malik and got your brother killed and also lost you arm. You guys are after some dude named Robert, and I'm hungry can I have some food?" I add the last part with a smile. Altair takes out his blade, but I continue quickly "UH! So right now Altair is working his way up to master assassin again, and the reason I know this because you guys are part of a video game in the future called Assassins Creed. Oh and you two are madly in gay love with each other" I say the last part in a whisper. Malik rubs his chin "Altair always find weird people" I frown, he continues "But she might come to some use" Altair and me say what at the same time. Even though I sound happy when I said it and he sounded pissed. I hug Malik with all my might "Thanks Malik I always knew you were cool!" he pats my back like it's strange for a lady to hug a man "Yeah um Altair?" before I knew it I was being pulled off Malik forcefully. I try to get out of Altair's grip "No! I want to hug Malik!" I say pouting. Malik fixes his coat "Altair continue your mission I'll stay here and take care of her" he says pointing to me. I smile widely, I wave goodbye to Altair "Bye Altair see you later!" he looks at me strangely before leaving. I slowly turn to Malik who is working on some kind of map "What ya doing?" I ask him from across the table. Malik looks up "Working" and then looks back down. I look at his missing arm "Did it hurt?" I ask poking at the place where his arm should be. Malik groans "Yes it did" he tells me annoyed.

I continue to poke "How much?" he puts down tool and looks at me "A lot, any more questions?" I grin widely and I nod "Yes! A whole lot!" he rubs his eyes "Fine ask away, I won't hurt you because you're a female and it's against the creed" I sit down next to him "SO! Do you love Altair" I ask him with a big smile. Malik groans loudly "What do you mean by that?" I giggle "I mean like do you ever picture him naked in the bath, with his abs oh and his di-" he covers my mouth and looks at me "The answer is no, I don't think about that kind of stuff, he's my brother" I smile darkly "Liar, I saw you look at his ass when he climbed up" Malik sighs making me laugh.

I pat his back "Don't worry Malik, it's okay if you do" he looks at me "I don't, we are not even aloud to love" I squint at him. I jump up making my seat fall back "Bullshit! If you love someone then I saw go ahead and love them! Malik you are a grown man you do what you gotta do!" I tell him snapping my fingers. Malik covers his face with his hands "I have never seen such an out spoken women in my life" I grin "That's right! So take off your robe" he looks at me "What did you just say?" he says confused. I whistle "What you talking about?" I say acting confused as well. Malik faces me "You just said take off your robe" I huff "No I didn't! I believe that smoky thing is getting you high" I say looking both ways. Malik walks up to me "I know for a fact that you just said take of your robe!" he says poking my arm. I growl and I poke him back twice because I'm awesome "I did not!" he stares at me "Why are we touching each other?" I smile "It's called poking!" I say spreading my arms open. Malik runs his hand through his black hair "Poking? It sounds strange" I giggle as I begin to poke him everywhere "Nah it's fun!" Malik smiles "Children these days" I slump back into my seat "I am not a kid! I am seventeen!" I say throwing my hands in the air. Malik sits down and works on the map again "So what's your name?" I gasp remembering that I didn't tell him my name "I'm Heather!" I hold out my hand, he takes it and shakes it. When I get my hand back I hold it to my face, I just shock hands with Malik, oh hell yeah I can die happy.

I look around this bureau and I sigh "This is what you do all day?" I yell. He nods, I groan "But it's boring!" I tell him. Malik looks me dead in the eye "Well think about it, your not even suppose to be here correct?" I think for a moment "I guess, maybe I came here to make this place more fun!" I tell him with a smile. Even though I wanted to say "I guess, I came back to have your babies!" but that would most likely get me smacked or kicked out. My tummy begins to rumble "Malik I'm hungry!" I say complaining. Malik puts something in my hand, I giggle to see what it is "What the fuck?" I look down to see a green leaf "This is not food it's a damn leaf!" I tell him throwing it on the floor. Malik sighs "What do you want?" I tap my finger against my temple "I want chips!" he looks at me confused "Chips? What's that?" I chuckle "Sorry you guys don't have it yet, um chicken?" he shakes his head "Don't have that" my jaw drops "Then how the hell do you get all the feathers?" I ask him. Malik's eyes twitch "Do you ever shut up?" he growls at me. I stomp my feet "Fine since your going to be mean, you don't have an arm! Ha!" I say laughing at him. His hand makes a fist "Well at least I don't look like milk" he says smirking darkly. I look at my skin okay so I don't have the best tan but that's because I live in the city "Fine I'll go outside and get a tan!" he throws his one arm in the air "Fine… wait what?" his eyes go wide when he see's me tie a knot in my shirt to show my tummy because that's the whitest area and that needs a tan. I pull up my jeans to my knee and I lay down on the pillows absorbing the sun.

Malik's eyes are so wide it looks like they are going to pop out, he coughs "You can get beat for showing so much skin" his face serious but his eyes are telling a different story. I put on my ipod "You saying your going to beat me Malik?" I ask him with a smile. Malik covers his eyes "I didn't see anything" and he walks back inside without saying another word. I chuckle, damn I want some lemonade "MALIK CAN I HAVE WATER?" I yell into the room. All I hear is a very loud groan "I am working, get it yourself!" he yells at me. I mumble to myself, I am way to lazy to get up and get the water. Don't they understand they are my bitches now and I am their pimp. Nah just kidding they would kick my ass if I ever did that. As I continue to work on my tan and listen to some music, I see a huge dark figure drop from the roof. Should I move, damn my legs for falling asleep. All I do is scream when the figure lands on me, making me lose all the air in my lungs. Oh whoever this is so dead!


End file.
